Being alive…

It has been a week since his departure. Soya found herself inside her class room. Droning of Math teacher is the last thing Soya needs to pay her attention to.  Everything got back to normalcy now. Days are the same. Things are like how it was before. Days and nights visit without any alteration.  But for Soya, her life has been subverted after his death. He meant a lot to her. His permanent absence is way too painful for her to conceive.

She is sitting in the middle row; her chin is propped up by her palm. She has no more tears to shed now, she has cried out loud… wept in silence… with being witnessed by none. Now her face is stoic, kind of saturated. Sometimes overwhelming sufferings bring us false tranquility. Her mind is more like a frigid flower. Her eyes are dull, and slumped into its sockets. She seems to have lost a lot of weight in the course of one week. She has been consoled and advised to move on but she knows pretty well that, it is quite impossible to do. She finds his smiling face being flashed across his eyes every time she closes her eyes.  

She turns her head and peers at the bench where he used to sit; her eyes have been greeted by the depressing emptiness. She wants to shut herself from all her surroundings… She wants to create a shell around her, into which she finds her fake-comfort, without being disturbed and advised by anyone. She wants to dwell on his memories.

****

It is last week of June. Monsoon is in full swing. Roads are more like a gathering of puddles. Paddy fields are awash and look like an endless water mass.  Sky is so dark; it seemingly is intimidating the drenched earth. Frogs and snakes play hide and seek. Crickets and toads blare at their full throat. Paper boats sail through the small streams of water appeared in the backyard.

Soya is on her way back home. Normally her friends would accompany her all the way home. But things changed since Soya befriended with her loneliness.  She hates others presence around her.

She stopped suddenly, when she saw that pond. It is raining heavily. Her umbrella is too delicate to with stand the mighty wind. She is drenched completely. She walked up to the stone paved steps which lead to the pond. In spite of the heavy rain she closed her umbrella and sat down on the steps facing the overflowing pond.

“Amir!”  She called out. She gets no response other than the pattering of rain drops.

She called again; her voice is shuddering and trailing off. 

He drowned in the same pond days before… there were no one around to save him… he was all alone… nobody heard his screaming…

With a false hope of Amir reciprocating her call, she screamed again.  

“I know you are making fun at me by hiding under water, please Amir!  Stop this nonsense and come up” She grumbled like an insane girl. Now she is in the midway to the center of the pond. Water is just above her waist, as she moves forward, it is like pond is swallowing her slowly. She is in search of her Amir.

She feels like she is losing her conscious mind, she can clearly view those sweet moments she had with Amir. A roll of those moments is being uncurled before her. She knows she is going to the world where Amir has headed for…

She trembles her body, trying frantically to have some breath; she spanks the water… all she could see is Amir standing on the steps and smiling at her. He is stretching his hand; with hope of she would fill his embrace.  She swims back to the steps. He is nowhere to find. 

She noticed a drenched piece of paper, tucked under her bag. It was not there before. She takes it and reads.

“Soya, this is not the right way to reach me…

Take your breath, let your heart beat… and I would live in each breath and each heart beat of yours!”

 

 

Thanks for reading, expecting your valuable comments…may it be brickbats or bouquets 🙂

-Vinay

 

 

 

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Not another you…

On the window pane-

Rain drops make doodles

I wave my fingers over it,

To write your name

So that you stay there,

For a scintilla of time

Air is moist, so are my eyes

Sky is cloudy, so is my façade

Love is hurtful, so are you

A showery evening, without you

I gaze at the pathway,

Looking forward for another rain!!

…Not another you!

Not just a dream!

imageNot just a dream!

 

A street vendor who sells beautiful flowers, she means nothing beyond that to me. It can be a crush and I don’t want things to grow beyond that.

 I said myself fixing my eyes on the ceiling. I am lying on the bed. My mind is unsettled with the thoughts of that girl. The farther I try to push her off my head the closer she comes to my heart. I am obsessed. It is 1.30 am already. Still my eyes are sleepless. I am wide awake.

As sleep is reluctant to acquaint with me, I make my way to the open terrace of my home. Moon is full bright today. Things are clearer around me as if they are in a sunny morning. I started to laze around carrying a cute girl in my heart.

“Is this how every love smitten guys would feel like?”  I wondered.

I feel like every action I do is kind of reflexive and I am not completely into those. I am being controlled and leaded by some force. I am jinxed.

I read and heard about it… I saw and observed it… But had I known it is crazy like this I would have been cautious. But now there is no use of thoughts of that kind as I am completely swept off by that girl. She was quite unknown for me, yet she is making the impact. My thoughts make a trap around me that I desperately wanted to be in forever. Yes it is love… may be its infantile-mode

 Before succumbing to the sleep, I have made up my mind. I am gonna tell her my love soon. I just want to get out of this ordeal because it is quite suffocating.

*****

“I am swimming with her, holding her hands. She directs me. I just had look at her. I am awestruck; here I am swimming with a mermaid. Her face is same as that of flower seller’s. She got an endearing face with a captivating smile. She is beatific, her golden long hairs and tails swaying elegantly with water currents. I am following her, so fascinated by her charm. Everything around us is lovely and heavenly. I rolled my eyes to grab a view of the lovely surroundings.

It is picturesque, lovely reefs, beautiful deep sea creatures, tranquilizing silence… I feel like dwelling in this place with that angel.  Everything is awesome till she bid me good bye and made her way to a cave.

I followed her, but she resisted. She implores me not to follow her. But I am obstinate and I insisted her, finally she gives in.

What I see inside that cave has sheer contrast with what I have been seeing till then… it is quite unnerving.

Ravenous giant fishes, sharks, sea monsters; all are milling around in that cave… they are staring at us. I am terrified. She leaves me behind and wades through them and fades somewhere in the darkness. I am all alone in front of those deadly monsters. They hanker for my flesh and it is obvious from their wolfish stare.

They are dashing towards me…

I woke up, it took some moments for me to fathom that I have been through a nightmare! I am sweating profusely, I checked my watch it is 7.30 am. I got up, rubbing my eyes, hoping to see her in that morning.

At that time, I have no clue about the fact that, the dream I just have seen is the metaphorical form of the events to happen in the following days. Sometimes dreams that we see can symbolize some real events in our life.

*****

“No sir, it is not fair” She repeated nervously.

“No I mean it Meera; really I am not a person who takes this sort of things silly” I tried to prove the genuineness of my love verbally.

“We are not meant to be like that Sir” She cringes and distractedly collects the flowers from the ground that she dropped nervously.

“At least just stop calling me Sir; you don’t know how unsettled I am with you. I know you love me, I notice you sneaking glances at me, and how your face droops when I fake negligence.”

  I am almost freaking out, throwing hands in the air.

She is standing in front of me like a child who has been caught red-handed while stealing cookies. She is staring at her toes. She looks dazzling in her knee-length red top and white leggings. I couldn’t help myself from glancing at her cute sulky face.

Awkward silence prevails. Tear drops are teetering on the brink of her eyes. She is being nagged by something. She loves me, but something awful is holding her back… something stands in between us, the thing that extends the distance between us, she is a hand stretch away yet it seems so far…

She desperately wanted to tell me something. But she seems not have mustered enough courage to spit that out. But I kept pestering her, making her mind so messed up. I don’t want her to be befuddled but I just want her by my side. 

I am cocky about sorting out whatever chores she has been through.

“Just tell me Meera, why do you keep avoiding me though your heart wishes against it?” I almost yelled and tried to be innocuous.

She kept silent for awhile. She holds my hands and walks down the street; she has something in her mind which she finds impossible to verbalize.

As I am strolling down with her, I felt it like a déjà vu. I think of the dream I saw days before… the mermaid who leaded me to that dreadful cave. I know something worst is imminent, I kept my fingers crossed. I am being gnawed by the anxiety. I take a look at her face, it is stony… not a speck of emotion is seen on her fair façade.

*****

 

She stopped. As I have been walking with her, the surrounding is the last thing I wanted to take a look on.

Once she stopped, she turned towards me, and said, weighing each word…

“Here where I hail from” Her eyes pan the street, so do mine.

            What I am seeing is exact reverse of what I believe… The street is boisterous and slum-like. It is rife with women of almost all ages. They are scampering across the roads, they dressed in a lustrous way; scanty and revealing. They seem so flirty and the makeover is weirdly overdone. They are trying to captivate the men with their bewitching smiles, desperately trying to make their lives. It is a red street!

I looked at Meera; she seems so calm and composed.

She might have sensed the quizzical expression in my face. She mouthed,

“These are all my inmates. That doesn’t mean I am doing the same job like them. I am born and brought up here. What they are doing is renting out their flesh to make their lives. I hate to do that. I fought against being like them; I don’t know how long I could withstand like this. May be one day I may have to put on the same glowing yet revealing attire. I may have to satisfy my financial needs merely by satisfying others sexual longing. Every day I am also being ogled at…but I can’t do that…. With that she trails off and bursts into tears…”

I stood like an effigy. Not that I don’t want to console her…but a decision is there in my mind being shaped.

I make my way back home. This time I am strolling down, holding her hands… finally I am leading the mermaid out of the deadly cave!

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

Vinay

I am not sick!!

Feel Me Around

I am not sick!!

Aman ran as fast as he could to get to school on time. He jumped over the orphanage fence and dashed off to the paddy field and finally he managed to reach the school just before the assembly started.

It was an opening day after two months of summer vacation.  He was promoted to 4th std. Aman was very eager to reach the class as it is always fun to reunite with friends after a long gap.

After assembly was dispersed Aman made his way to his class. He searched his friends everywhere but failed to find one. He got into his class and found his friends there already occupying and fighting silly for their seats. 

Aman smiled and joined them and tapped Abhishek; his best friend, on his back.

“How dare you to touch me you son of a bitch …move away otherwise you may…

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