Not another you…

On the window pane-

Rain drops make doodles

I wave my fingers over it,

To write your name

So that you stay there,

For a scintilla of time

Air is moist, so are my eyes

Sky is cloudy, so is my façade

Love is hurtful, so are you

A showery evening, without you

I gaze at the pathway,

Looking forward for another rain!!

…Not another you!

Not just a dream!

imageNot just a dream!

 

A street vendor who sells beautiful flowers, she means nothing beyond that to me. It can be a crush and I don’t want things to grow beyond that.

 I said myself fixing my eyes on the ceiling. I am lying on the bed. My mind is unsettled with the thoughts of that girl. The farther I try to push her off my head the closer she comes to my heart. I am obsessed. It is 1.30 am already. Still my eyes are sleepless. I am wide awake.

As sleep is reluctant to acquaint with me, I make my way to the open terrace of my home. Moon is full bright today. Things are clearer around me as if they are in a sunny morning. I started to laze around carrying a cute girl in my heart.

“Is this how every love smitten guys would feel like?”  I wondered.

I feel like every action I do is kind of reflexive and I am not completely into those. I am being controlled and leaded by some force. I am jinxed.

I read and heard about it… I saw and observed it… But had I known it is crazy like this I would have been cautious. But now there is no use of thoughts of that kind as I am completely swept off by that girl. She was quite unknown for me, yet she is making the impact. My thoughts make a trap around me that I desperately wanted to be in forever. Yes it is love… may be its infantile-mode

 Before succumbing to the sleep, I have made up my mind. I am gonna tell her my love soon. I just want to get out of this ordeal because it is quite suffocating.

*****

“I am swimming with her, holding her hands. She directs me. I just had look at her. I am awestruck; here I am swimming with a mermaid. Her face is same as that of flower seller’s. She got an endearing face with a captivating smile. She is beatific, her golden long hairs and tails swaying elegantly with water currents. I am following her, so fascinated by her charm. Everything around us is lovely and heavenly. I rolled my eyes to grab a view of the lovely surroundings.

It is picturesque, lovely reefs, beautiful deep sea creatures, tranquilizing silence… I feel like dwelling in this place with that angel.  Everything is awesome till she bid me good bye and made her way to a cave.

I followed her, but she resisted. She implores me not to follow her. But I am obstinate and I insisted her, finally she gives in.

What I see inside that cave has sheer contrast with what I have been seeing till then… it is quite unnerving.

Ravenous giant fishes, sharks, sea monsters; all are milling around in that cave… they are staring at us. I am terrified. She leaves me behind and wades through them and fades somewhere in the darkness. I am all alone in front of those deadly monsters. They hanker for my flesh and it is obvious from their wolfish stare.

They are dashing towards me…

I woke up, it took some moments for me to fathom that I have been through a nightmare! I am sweating profusely, I checked my watch it is 7.30 am. I got up, rubbing my eyes, hoping to see her in that morning.

At that time, I have no clue about the fact that, the dream I just have seen is the metaphorical form of the events to happen in the following days. Sometimes dreams that we see can symbolize some real events in our life.

*****

“No sir, it is not fair” She repeated nervously.

“No I mean it Meera; really I am not a person who takes this sort of things silly” I tried to prove the genuineness of my love verbally.

“We are not meant to be like that Sir” She cringes and distractedly collects the flowers from the ground that she dropped nervously.

“At least just stop calling me Sir; you don’t know how unsettled I am with you. I know you love me, I notice you sneaking glances at me, and how your face droops when I fake negligence.”

  I am almost freaking out, throwing hands in the air.

She is standing in front of me like a child who has been caught red-handed while stealing cookies. She is staring at her toes. She looks dazzling in her knee-length red top and white leggings. I couldn’t help myself from glancing at her cute sulky face.

Awkward silence prevails. Tear drops are teetering on the brink of her eyes. She is being nagged by something. She loves me, but something awful is holding her back… something stands in between us, the thing that extends the distance between us, she is a hand stretch away yet it seems so far…

She desperately wanted to tell me something. But she seems not have mustered enough courage to spit that out. But I kept pestering her, making her mind so messed up. I don’t want her to be befuddled but I just want her by my side. 

I am cocky about sorting out whatever chores she has been through.

“Just tell me Meera, why do you keep avoiding me though your heart wishes against it?” I almost yelled and tried to be innocuous.

She kept silent for awhile. She holds my hands and walks down the street; she has something in her mind which she finds impossible to verbalize.

As I am strolling down with her, I felt it like a déjà vu. I think of the dream I saw days before… the mermaid who leaded me to that dreadful cave. I know something worst is imminent, I kept my fingers crossed. I am being gnawed by the anxiety. I take a look at her face, it is stony… not a speck of emotion is seen on her fair façade.

*****

 

She stopped. As I have been walking with her, the surrounding is the last thing I wanted to take a look on.

Once she stopped, she turned towards me, and said, weighing each word…

“Here where I hail from” Her eyes pan the street, so do mine.

            What I am seeing is exact reverse of what I believe… The street is boisterous and slum-like. It is rife with women of almost all ages. They are scampering across the roads, they dressed in a lustrous way; scanty and revealing. They seem so flirty and the makeover is weirdly overdone. They are trying to captivate the men with their bewitching smiles, desperately trying to make their lives. It is a red street!

I looked at Meera; she seems so calm and composed.

She might have sensed the quizzical expression in my face. She mouthed,

“These are all my inmates. That doesn’t mean I am doing the same job like them. I am born and brought up here. What they are doing is renting out their flesh to make their lives. I hate to do that. I fought against being like them; I don’t know how long I could withstand like this. May be one day I may have to put on the same glowing yet revealing attire. I may have to satisfy my financial needs merely by satisfying others sexual longing. Every day I am also being ogled at…but I can’t do that…. With that she trails off and bursts into tears…”

I stood like an effigy. Not that I don’t want to console her…but a decision is there in my mind being shaped.

I make my way back home. This time I am strolling down, holding her hands… finally I am leading the mermaid out of the deadly cave!

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading

Vinay

Farewell day!

 

“To meet and depart is the way of life!

…to depart and meet is the Hope of life”

                                                      -Unknown

The quote is written on every corner of the college. It is a farewell day, last page of the most beautiful chapters of our life’s book. Ankit heart carries cocktail of emotions. The mere thought of leaving all the friends behind and being confined inside a stupid workplace-cubicle makes him sick and distraught.

He adjusts his tuxedo looking at the washroom mirror. He is kind of nervous.

“I got to do this, at least today” He said to mirrored Ankit.

He takes his phone, rereads the drafted message. His finger waves across the send button, he is still half minded. He closes his eyes. His façade carries I-made-up-my-mind sort of look. He taps the send button. Message is being sent! Delivered!

******

Sruthi is toying with the half emptied coke bottle. She is watching her friends who are swaying with the rhythm of some old western melody. But her mind traverses aimlessly.

This is the last day of my college life… I can’t go home leaving things half done. I should have done it before. How stupid I was!   She is thinking.

Her eyes brimmed with tears. Her mind flits back to the moments she had with Ankit.

Beeps of her phone brought her back to the present. It is a message from Ankit. Her heart skips a beat. She opens it with her shaky hand….

“Can I meet U up in 30 mints?

Pls come to Technical Library”

******

They silently stood for a while inside the dimly lit Library. They know they got to tell a lot, but something refrains.

“I am sorry; we could have got things patched up in between us. It was me who stood in the way, now I regret it”.  Ankit mouthed looking away from her. 

They couldn’t meet each other’s eyes.

“Please don’t be…”  Sruthi trails off, she is almost broken down. She composed herself.

“You are not the only to be blamed on Ankit, I deserve as well” Her voice is getting feeble.

“I am not sure we would ever go to meet again after this night” Ankit tries hard to beat the lump inside his throat so that he could squeeze out the words stuck there. He is fighting his tears.

“We had a break up Ankit; things wouldn’t have been like this, had we tried to get rid of our ego and complexes. What we had been through till then was like a lovely reverie. I am gonna cherish it forever”

Sruthi is turning out be kind of logical… She wished she couldn’t be.

“When you are getting to States?” Sruthi tries to switch the topic.

“Probably next month”

She hugs him tightly, keeps mum. She turns around and strolls away… Not that she has done with what she wanted to say but she is so much exhausted by the flurry of emotions she has been handling.

He hopes, she would stop and turn around.

She expects that he would call out from behind to stop her…  But neither happened!

They simply watch their love being slipped off…

A touch of love…

image

I felt the bitterness in my mouth. It was almost dried up. I licked my lips to make it moist. My eyes still remained closed. With three flaps of eyelids, I wide opened my eyes. Mind was so empty. I tried hard to seek some thought, but it was hindered by the excruciating pain felt on my right knee. I tilted my head to get the clue of where I had been. I was in a hospital. Bandages wrapped around my right knee and around my head. Purple colored blood patches turned out on the bandages. It hurt badly… Pain stirred me crazy. I felt like someone piercing a nail right on my temple. I had no clue how I ended up here. I urged to scream but in vain. I was so worn-out. I lunged forward making a vain effort to get up. I fell back on the bed and puked. A yellow fluid flowed out of my mouth. I am still not sober. Alcohol I had last night was reluctant to withdraw its impact. Within no time I passed out.

                                                                          ********

I woke up again. I glanced at the drip bottle dangling over my head. Pain was still there. Sister walked up to my bed and gave me an angry look.

“Why the hell I am here” I grumbled.

She kept mum. I craned my neck. I was in casualty ward. I could see people scamper across the floor and grief stricken faces on neighboring beds.

“Are you deaf?” I asked again.

She was silent. She replaced the empty drip bottle with a new one. I glanced at the wall clock.It was 3 am. I felt strange and lonely.

“Can you please tell me what happened last night?”  This time I was less furious.

“You were too drunk and met with an accident last night” Nurse said distractedly. She was scribbling something on the notepad hung on the rail of my bed.

“Accident…?” I was quizzical. I was almost freaking out. I strived to memorize the things happened last night. I just listed those events that are scattered inside my head,

 

Drinking beer one after another… Assaulting bartender as he refused to give me drinks further… I was breaking beer bottles… Some people were beating me up and dragging me outside the bar… I was stumbling upon a plant pot… Finally I was inching towards the bike… The rest is resting in my oblivion.

 

“How it happened?”  I was ridiculously curious.

“You hit a pedestrian, a lady. She was seriously injured and now in intensive care unit” Nurse answered contemptuously. She added.

“We have informed your parents. Your mom is downstairs dealing with the legal formalities. You are lucky as your dad has got political influence. You can come out legally unscathed…  A spoilt brat”

She mouthed the last line under her breath and left, dodging my further questions.

She really caught me off guard, my mouth was agape. I thought again “I hit a lady and she is in ICU!”

It was quite dreadful. How could I leave someone’s life at stake? I was totally shaken. I wanted to yell out… I was regretful; my heart is brimmed with remorse. I was desperately in need of a “Cntrl+Z” in my life. I wanted to correct it by flitting back in to last night, though I knew it was quite impossible.

********

 “How many times did I warn you Rohit? But you turned deaf ears to my words now look where my son is. Drunk and rode bike over a poor lady” I saw Mom was bursting into tears.

“Do whatever you like Rohit. But remember don’t play with others life. There are people out there, who value their life unlike you.”  Mom was blowing her nose.

 Her words were adding oil to the fire already set inside my mind. I kept mum, I had no other option.

“At least think of your dad, I don’t know how he would react to this. You have to learn a lot Rohit …a lot!” 

She tried to look away from my eyes. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. It was awful to think that it was me who brought about those salty droplets. I felt numb inside. My physical pain was felt less tiring than that I felt in my heart. I justified Sister’s comment “Yes I am a spoilt brat”

********

 

Two days passed…

Still I hadn’t got any information about that lady’s condition. Mom was with me all the time in the hospital as dad was out of station. Whenever I asked mom about that lady she made a face and didn’t say anything. She hardly spoke to me. I was really getting crazy. I craved to know about that lady, at least if she was alive or not.

In the afternoon when Mom was out, I decided to go by myself to know about the lady’s condition. I grabbed the crutch and made my way to the ICU.

When I reached in front of ICU, a male nurse stopped me and said…

“This is not the visiting time please come after seven”

“Please, I just want to know how she is doing now” I pleaded.

He then pointed to a girl standing at the end of corridor, her back facing us.

“That girl is patient’s daughter. You can meet her” He said and indulged in his works.

“Thanks” And I walked to wards her with increased heart rate. I felt like going back to my bed, but I didn’t.

“I have to face her” Thought I.

 

Two minutes passed…

I cleared my throat twice to get her attention. She didn’t look back.

“Excuse me” My lips were quivering.

She turned around.

 

“What the…” 

I was totally taken aback. I clutched the crutch very tightly as I was losing my steadiness. I blinked several times to believe what I was seeing. It was Niya… with whom I had a break up months before… the same I girl with whom I had been dating for one year… She loved me sincerely and wholeheartedly. Her love was pristine and genuine. But never did I take it seriously. I was frivolous and carefree. I dumped her. She cried for my return… She missed me badly…  She was ready to patch the things up… But I was allured by the new corporate world and its flamboyant life style… She moved on.

Once she was completely out of my life, I began to miss her. I wanted her back in my life. I could see my life getting messed up without her presence… everything turned upside down. I started to punish myself for getting rid of my Niya. I started dating random girls… sleeping around with them. It didn’t help. I became a regular drunkard… I splurged money on pubs and bars. I sought the help of intoxication to forget my woes… and this accident was just a sequel to all those escapades.

 

She stood there shocked and within no time she came closer… and asked

“What happened to you Rohit?” 

I could see her eyes brimmed with anxiety and concern.

“She still cares for me” Thought I. It was painful.

I didn’t know how to answer her. I felt a lump in my throat. I averted my glance from her eyes.

“I met with an accident two days before. I rode my bike over a lady. I was drunk then and completely out of my consciousness”

I said it weighing each word.

She threw an intense stare at me. Her face was devoid of expressions. She didn’t cry. She inched forward and said…

“It was my mom Rohit”

With that she strolled down the corridor. I didn’t follow her or try to stop her because I knew I just didn’t even deserve her dislike.

 

Later in that evening I told mom everything happened. Once I completed, I was in tears, so was she. She comforted me. I was kind of relieved as she began to speak me like before.

******

 

2 days passed…

When I opened my eyes, I saw Niya instead of Mom; pouring tea to the cup. She held it to me. I saw a beautiful smile on her face.

“How is mom?” I asked.

“She is stable now and doing exceptionally well” She said.

“Oh it is gladdening and I am really sorry Niya. It wasn’t intentional” Said I

“Hmm I know, but getting drunk is intentional” She faked anger and smiled

“I am gonna stop it” I said, sipping tea.

“Hoo that sounds great… You mean it?” She said sarcastically.

“I love you Niya” I blurted out.

She sighed… kept mum for next few seconds. I saw a tinge of sadness in her eyes. She turned towards me, lunged and I felt her lips pressing on my eyes…!

She whispered in my ears “Your Mom said everything”

 

Deep inside my heart, I thanked my Mom for a Zillion times for giving my Niya back..!

 

Just another Escapade!

Vijay gently opens his drowsy eyes. He could feel the gush of warm breath on his neck. He adjusts himself to get the sight of Devi’s beatific face .She is sleeping within his arms. Drowsiness gives more beauty to her melancholic face. She is still the same. It seems like years and seasons were too oblivious to make a change in her. Thinks Vijay.

Girls are beautiful when they are sleeping (No hidden intensions!!)

She is magnetic. He couldn’t resist the urge to plant a kiss on her forehead. She snuggles up to him once she felt his lips. Laces of her pink spaghetti still remain untied, exposing her bare shoulder and her long silky hairs do desperate attempt to cover it. Vijay hasn’t yet figured out the fact that how come she always wears a smile laden with tinge of sadness in it. He has asked her zillionth times about it… But her answer is always the same melancholic smile!

Broken hourglass, fallen window curtain, lopsided wall photos, misplaced cushions… implicitly depict what had happened hours before, an escapade in the lap of early dawn!!

He cuddles her tightly against his chest toying with her hairs. She relishes the warmth of that friction. Those are precious moments for them. Vijay feels like the snipped scraps of their past strewn across the ceiling. He glances at them plainly; hurt of loss takes its toll on him. But he gets relieved when he senses her nails make doodles on his back.

Devi awakes…

She smiles sheepishly at him. She rubs her eyes, stretches her hands… being oblivious to the fact that her spaghetti is not tied properly!! His eyes go haywire.

Love is in the air!! And they make it!

*****

 

“Feel like time sped in reverse direction” 

“So soothing, burden off shoulder”

“I missed you so much”

“Hmm, same here”

Awkward silence prevails.

They flank the dining table, sipping steamy coffee. Water drops dancing and dangling at the end of her hair. Both just had shower, together!!

“I yearned for this moment” Vijay voices

Light smile on her lips. She fiddles with the Novel in her hand.

“You read it”   Asked Devi

“Yup, more than ten times. I watched that movie too.” Vijay answers

“Hmm you remember? You gifted me its paperback on my birthday” Devi said bit lively

Vijay avert his eyes off her face and murmurs

“A walk to remember”

Devi seems so contemplative. She consults her watch and asks

When your wife comes?

“In the evening”   His eyes lack those sparkles seen moments before 

You are the author of my life!!

You are the author of my life!!

 

I stroll down the calm aisle

I am flanked by wooden shelves,

Pregnant with books…

I squeak open its glass door

To fish out my favorite one!

I riffle through its yellow pages

Ho!  It is my story! He is so me! I yell

I read it, re-read it to spot you

I am disheartened, no you in it

I closed it sadly

Hoo!! I am surprised

You are the author…

I am gleaming with joy

You have been with me through out!!

You are the author of my life!!

To keep me alive…even after my death!